Search your soul

Fat Girls Have Bikini Bodies

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Bikini Body Ready!

I read the sign in silence and lowered my eyes.

For a very long time, I believed I didn’t have a bikini body. I am an average height woman, with not so average measurements. I had struggled to define myself, “plus size”, “large”, “chubby”. Nothing really felt right. I knew I didn’t have a swimsuit body. I knew I didn’t have a summer body.

But then I found, The Suit.
The one bikini suit to rule them all. The Fatkini. And she was named ‘Karbara’.

Women’s Kariba Underwire Gathered Bikini Top from elmoilingerie.com

The inherent skimpiness of swimwear wasn’t a part of this suit. It looked like the right size, the perfect color (because screw you, black IS slimming), and offered adequate support — which you know is invaluable when it comes to feeling confident and comfortable.

And even though body empowerment was at an all-time high, I get that not every plus-size woman is a fan of the bikini or Fatkini. If you are though, let me tell you the three important things I kept in mind while shopping for mine…

1. It doesn’t have to be a Fakini

Not feeling the two-piece look? Say no more. This is about you feeling the most comfortable in your own skin. So don’t worry what all the other Instagram influencers are saying. If you don’t want it all to hang out (because it might), there’s no need to do otherwise.

Look for a one piece that you find shines as bright as your personality. Some of my favorite bathing suits have been one pieces that I still get compliments on it Even with a one piece I found a wide range of ones that showed just a little skin, a lot of skin, or hugged my curves oh-so-tight! Wear what works for you and no one else.

2. Dress rehearsal at home

If you’re terrified like I was, that there would be a possibility of spillage, (oh the spillage my boobs saw that first summer…), find one you like and then wear it around the house. I did a battery of self-test: jumping on my bed, running around chasing my dog in the backyard, talking to my friend on the phone while cooking, and even showering — so I could know what it looked like wet, before taking it out for beach patrol. This allowed me some adjustments like a bathing suit tunic, shortening straps, seeing where to shave, and more before I ever hit prime time.

I was thankful because I know there could’ve been some viral worthy accidents ready to happy before I simulated waves crashing into me like I did jumping on my bed.

3. Find inspiration

I had already seen my Fatkini online before I went to view it in person. Research the suit beyond the retailer’s website. I wanted to see what other real women like me had thought of the bathing suit. I read forums, reviews, and looked at more candid photos of the bathing suit I was curious about. It helped me get the scoop and prepare to enjoy my new bathing suit to the fullest.

Quick tips: Consider ordering a size up, as their material can be smaller fitting, focus on fit – if it’s comfortable that’s what is most important, discover your silhouette because there are. I prefer the high-waisted bottoms.

Where to purchase plus size suits

As larger sizes are offered in more places, we’re no longer stuck with only local options. Shop around online from the comfort of your home for a suit, or look online like I did before going in-person. Either way, save yourself some time and plan ahead. I enjoy suits from Adore Me, dresslily, LANDS’ END, BloomBloom, ROSEGAL, and more places. Let your fingers do the walking and let your eyes enjoy the beautiful visuals.

There’s a range of price points from very affordable, mid-range, and oh-my-god-this-counts-as-a-birthday-gift to me, find your desired price bracket and I bet you’ll be surprised at how much you can find.

It’s time to embrace your curves and at least try bikini/Fatkini/bathing suit! And after you purchase your flattering plus-size swimsuit for your body, it’s important to care for it properly. Here are some of the best ways to keep your suit looking its best:

  • Think of the purpose. Are you catching some rays? Swimming? Going to be in hot tubs? Wearing the right suit for the right activity will keep them looking great over time.
  • Buy more than one suit. Alternate swimsuits daily. That way they will give your bathing suits time to dry and re-shape properly.
  • Keep em’ clean. As often as possible rinse out your suit. Chlorine and salt water are corrosive, so that means your suit will break down eventually. Rinsing them will extend the life of them for longer wear. and they will wear through your suit over time.

Ultimately, every ‘body’ is a bikini body…

…you just have to put a bikini on it. Wherever you fall on the size spectrum, just know there are styles out there — in a range of colors, prints, and silhouettes — that are tailored to your style.

The fitness industry would have you believe that there’s only one type of “attractive summer body” but that shouldn’t be the only message that’s out there. Having a “bikini body” is more than appearance, it’s functionality and mental health benefits of exercise, right now is the time to bring it to the forefront.

Cherish a new (or continued) experience to better prepare yourself for all the water related activities you want to do this summer, and look good when doing it!

Credits: Feature image courtesy of allure.com

The Power of Love

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We often talk about love and relationships on a daily basis. We read about love in some of our favorite novels. Watch movies surrounding love and it’s concepts. I can’t even begin to list the number of songs dedicated to love. It’s safe to say that love is definitely a popular topic. 

There’s no denying that love is one of, if not the most talked about subject in the world. It’s undeniable how far reaching its impact is. Whenever it’s brought into the equation it can change or break the equation.

But what is the true power of love when it comes to standing on its own? Love can’t exist without those of us here to experience it, right? This is because we are simply humans that act as the vehicles to the experience of love itself.

Love is powerful

It is more powerful than most of us give it credit for. Love is the energy that binds us and we connect with it constantly. But the catch is being able to find that inner love and connection with self. The universe will show us this. Through going within we can truly begin to understand the capacity for love within us, it’s much more powerful than we can grasp sometimes. 

What makes love such a potent force? It’s simple:

  • Love can heal.
  • Love can also hurt.

The beauty of this destruction is being able to find the true meaning of what the power of love is within the pain and creation. 

When love appears in our lives and begins its true process of breaking down our barriers, it’s up to us to make the choice of where love guides us. Of course, we can always make the choice to not allow love in but over time new opportunities will present themselves until we let love in. Love has a way of tearing down our walls and breaking into our most vulnerable wounds.

The lessons of love

When love comes into our life to teach us something we might jump on the bandwagon quite fast. But the nuances of the love lessons (including friends or family) usually come to light much later. This is where we will begin to experience the ways love can hurt us and teach us.

  • Losing someone close to us through life’s circumstances
  • Relationships ending and strife
  • Heartbreak or rejection
  • Being abandoned by someone you love
  • Closing off or another closing up
  • Abusive or co-dependent relationships

Once it’s broken through, it can come in to heal us. There’s two sides of a coin when it comes to love.

If we find ourselves wanting to connect with people that we know are going to help us grow, we learn why we’re here on this beautiful Earth. We are here to connect with others so we can learn about the love present inside of us.

Connection presents us with the opportunity of growth through love’s lessons. This is a part of the process of uncovering the power of love’s honesty. If love has entered your life, you will know when it’s beginning to break down and be let in to heal you.

  • Learning self love and respect
  • Lessons on growing into your heart space
  • Compassion for others and yourself
  • Communication with self and others
  • Old wounds or trauma coming to surface for healing
  • Opening up to yourself and others honestly

When love teaches us about our wounds that need to be healed, we can allow love to come in and change us on the levels that weren’t being highlighted. In this stage, love is a force to be reckoned with. Love can topple us and rebuild us. If it provides us with a new foundation, we will eventually build ourselves back up with love at the core. Each leg will stand up as it should.

The power of love has changed some for the better and some for the worst. What could be more changing than that? 

Love itself is the great transformer.

Soulrenity Sunday – Free From FOMO

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This month listen we tackle “the fear’…the very real fear of missing out. But what are you really missing out on? It happens to us all at some point, but let us share how you can address the source and work through FOMO to reclaim your MOJO.

Listen to the full ‘Soulrenity Sunday’ podcast here!

​Join Natali and her co-host Dawn on a Soul Journey into the wild with Soulrenity Sunday. On the last Sunday of the month we will talk about our views, ideas, and beliefs surrounding spirituality and more. Our goal is always to stop, listen and get in touch with our authentic selves.

Are you ready to reconnect with your soul-renity?

Become Friends With Your Body – Part II

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In my previous article, I touched upon becoming friends with our body by learning to listen to what it has to say to us. In this article, I want to dive a little bit deeper about learning to connect with our body to cultivate the friendship we can have by communicating with it consciously.

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

If we have learned to listen to the body on a basic level, it gets easier to hear what it has to say, and if it’s easier to hear what it has to say, then we can start discovering how it feels no matter where we are or what we’re doing.

On many levels, this includes how our environmental experiences affect our connection with our body, which in turn can affect our mental and emotional states.

Let’s begin

I’m sure you’ve read and heard about how certain colors can affect our mood. Or how certain aesthetics can create a safe surrounding for us to explore our emotions. Maybe you’ve read about Feng Shui and what it can do for a person’s mood or lifestyle.

Now imagine what you could do for your body if you applied color visualization to certain parts of the body.

Our bodies are just as easily influenced by these things as our minds or emotional state. Every part of us work together to create the whole system so that it all works in tandem. Without the body…we’d be only a sum of our parts.

Do you remember the last time you went to a concert and the pounding of the bass reverberated through your entire body? How about the last time you got stuck in traffic and the stress caused your senses to be overcome until you had an emotional outburst? What about the time you were at an incredible height and suddenly felt the gravity, which in turn made you react out of fear?

Some of these are very simple examples. But they still demonstrate how easy it is for our bodies to pick up stimuli. Then we transfer it to the rest of our being and then express itself through our experiences.

It’s very easy for us to forget…

That our senses and perception are still very much influenced by how our body feels about our surrounding environment. Like some kind of filter, even our body size, height, or width can influence how we see or perceive reality around us. If you are living from a place where you don’t really listen to what the body has to say about reality, it will be easier to fall into a reaction that doesn’t benefit you in the situation. This is very tough for most people to discover about themselves. Often we will toss our bodily reactions into a denial bin or each sensation controls our life to serious extents.

It’s very difficult….

To balance our body with other aspects, but it can be done.

We have to sit with the realization that our body itself is coming from an organic place. A place that interacts with our surroundings. Every second of the day even in ways we might not notice. Our bodies can create a conscious awareness to the connection we have with ourselves on a physical plane.

One of my favorite books that covers this topic in depth is by the very talented Healer and Shaman, Mary Mueller Shutan, titled ‘The Body Deva: Working with the Spiritual Consciousness of the Body’.

This book covers the connection one can have with their body and how to connect with the Deva, or spiritual avatar, of their own body consciousness. Through the practice of getting to know your body in visualizations or representations of your own body Deva. Using this methodology, one can not only reconnect but create a relationship with every part of their body. (Right down to the pinkie toes!)

Body scans

Simple conversations along with easy body scans taught within this book, can teach us what kind of pain our body is in and why. It houses many exercises including one that by using different types of color visualizations surrounding different body parts and more!

For example: In one of my legs I suffer from pain due to an invasive surgery I had when I was 19 because of a near fatal car accident. Using Mary’s work, I was able to visualize a color on this specific limb. This appeared to me as a black and cloudy swirl. Connecting with my Deva during meditation, I was able to have a conversation and visualize what my body was trying to tell me about this specific limb. An intuitive feeling came forward.

Deeper introspection revealed to me that my leg had felt disconnected to my body. This has been ever since my accident due to poor physical therapy. And denial of the pain from the trauma. It forced me to finally take a look at myself and the poor decisions I was making for my leg and cutting it off from healing.

…and healed you may feel

Not only did the meditation bring attention to a part of my body but it made me realize how easily I can ignore my limbs. Now I can find the time in my daily life to converse with parts of my body. Parts that would otherwise be ignored or unanswered because I let my environment dictate my perception of how I felt or ignored myself.

By framing my experience I was able to then model my environmental reactions by creating the time to massage it at least once a week. This is what my leg wanted all along!

Is this kind of practice easy? Not at first, but when you learn to start trusting yourself and what your body says—you cultivate a relationship of deeper levels of awareness. This is how I learned to nourish my own body.

Are you ready to nourish yous?

Addicted To Love

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Do you find yourself falling in love often? Is there a part of you that loves love but hates intimacy? Have you ever felt unable to ‘live’ without someone? Or find yourself obsessed with a partner, regardless of their toxicity?

You might be experiencing a form of ‘love addiction’.

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

What is love addiction?

Normally love is seen as an overall positive and joyful experience. It’s hard to fathom that “too much” love can be a bad thing. Love addiction is categorized as being in love with the feelings of being in love. This can trigger compulsive behavior. It’s a deep, longing and craving for love. This is because we break down love for what it really is. We see a complex physiological process involving hormones, bodily chemicals, environmental factors, and neurotransmitters. It’s a perplexing combination of science, personality traits, and affection.

Those who are affected by love addiction seem to never get past the initial stages of falling in love. This provides a sense of purpose and meaning to someone’s “love”. The euphoria creates an emotional response that can be intoxicating, often worsening love addiction.

It explains why people who are addicted to love attract described ‘love-avoidant’ partners. We’ll discuss love-avoidants in another article. Both types of people can harbor feelings of abandonment and being controlled.

It feels like you must…

Love addiction is not classified as a disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5). Even though it most certainly could appear in it. Once you closely look at the verbiage and actions surrounding love addiction, it would be classified alongside compulsive disorders.

Love addiction is a serious form of codependency. The shared relationship or idea of one is the sole, all consuming focus of the love addict’s attention. When this condition really gets out of hand the love addict will find themselves stalking, harassing, following, or even keeping a close monitor on their object of affection/obsession!

Are you or someone you know addicted to love?

Look at the 10 Signs of a Love Addict below:

Image courtesy of Loveaddiction.com

As you may see now, there is no one way in which love addiction will present itself. It is different within each individual. The core of the disorder seems to come from a place of fear and helplessness. It often couples with other behavioral symptoms such as:

  • Bouts of depression and/or anxiety, ADD, ADHD, addiction, PTSD, OCD, bipolar disorder, and dysthymia
  • Having multiple online dating profiles
  • Constant searching for ‘the perfect partner’
  • A strong fear of rejection
  • Inability to keep important dates or obligations
  • Feeling unsure about the purpose/direction of life

How to break the addiction?

Love addiction being so similar to drug and other behavioral addictions. The recovery to it is also the same. Effective treatment has been identified as:

  • Group therapy
  • Individual counseling
  • Family counseling
  • CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
  • Self-esteem boosting activities

Don’t let a distorted view of love and how to receive or give it prevent you from loving in a healthy way. If you feel like this describes you or someone you know, we strongly suggest you seek help in breaking the love addiction pattern however you can.

You can start by visiting Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous online to find a group near you. And please remember, you are never scarce on love, infinite love always lies within you and never in someone else’s grasp.

MyPossibility – April 11

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April Possibility: Self-care through unconditional love comes first.

Looking for a personal pick me up? Check out Dawn and her co-host Natali’s podcast MyPossibility, that will do just that! Each short segment is designed to empower, enrich, and guide you as you listen to your inner voice. We’ll touch on self reflection and healing, mindful mantras, inner connectedness and dig deeper into some of our own ideals. Are you ready to reveal your potential? We are!

Listen for a bit of clarity and a mid-month boost.

Is Extroversion Encoded Within?

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Everyone knows one, or perhaps you consider yourself one as well: An extrovert. You know the ones we mean – the social butterflies who are…

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

Outgoing and friendly
Action oriented
Talkative and enthusiastic

I’ve been described as an extrovert all my life but until recent years didn’t start to notice it as a real part of myself. A part that I have found I can’t “turn off”. With being the one in my social circle who plans most of our activities, likes being the center of attention (yep, usually), and acts with gusto before thinking things through with every little detail, I can finally say it…

Are you shy?

I’m trying to get you out of your shell because I want you to enjoy life to the fullest!

Now, I know that won’t work for everyone but as an extrovert being social is as easy as breathing air. My persuasions to get you out and doing stuff, talk to people, see ‘all the things’, doesn’t mean I don’t like who you are. I just can’t help but see the world through my eyes. Sometimes that can be a good or bad thing but there’s always good intentions behind it. I feel energized after social interactions and recharged instantly in a large group of people. I know that for most introverts that is actually the opposite and can drain them or make them feel ‘worn out’.

Unique and opposite

Why are extroverts and introverts so incredibly opposite and unique and can one become the other?

We all exist on the same spectrum of social interactions, but where exactly on that spectrum makes all the difference. In an early 2000’s study, conducted by the University of Amsterdam, scientist poked a little further into brain scans of self-proclaimed intro/extroverts

The big difference? Dopamine.

The ‘feel good’ drug we naturally produce when happy. What they found was that extroverts may be possibly be using their dopamine systems differently! Our brains read differently than introverts for most activities. They were defined as more adventurous, more social, and they were more responsive when the reward/risk center was increased (much like when you gamble and win).

Introverts may actually find themselves less likely to want to be in an ‘overstimulating’ situation. Parties, clubs, social functions, hiking a new mountain, or even trying a new hobby? Not introverts. All of this ties back into genetics as our genes shape an develop our brains. This backs up the theory that genes that control dopamine function can predict personality differences.

What’s happening to our brains?

Analysis of the imaging data showed how the brain activity differed between extroverted volunteers and introverted ones during gambling. When the gambles they took paid off, the more extroverted group showed a stronger response in two crucial brain regions: the amygdala and the nucleus accumbens. The amygdala is known for processing emotional stimuli, and the nucleus accumbens is a key part of the brain’s reward circuitry and part of the dopamine system. The results confirm the theory – extroverts process surprising rewards differently.

Cognitive Brain Research

Think of it this way, if you keep taking risky/adventurous chances or putting yourself in those situations and it works out well for you, then you have no reason to think negatively of that behavior.

You will keep seeking out situations that give you that exciting feeling of the unfamiliar and novelty because it feels good. Being highly sensitivity to rewards just keeps us extroverts coming back because our preferences are shaped by the way our brain responds to outside stimuli.

As with anything, our brains still remain the most complex part of our entire bodies and we are constantly learning new and exciting things about it each day. We’ve barely began to scratch the surface on understanding what cases and defines ‘personality’.

Is it encoded?

So, do I think extroversion is encoded? I’d have to say at this point, given the collective and most up to date research, it seems it is encoded.

Does that mean introverts can never experience life as an extrovert? Absolutely not and in a future writing I’ll touch on just how to fake it till you make it, just when needed, so you too can enjoy some of that extroverted energy. Until then, feel free to say, “I’m an introvert, it’s in my DNA” whenever you want to get out of any ‘extroverted’ heavy situations.

Become Friends With Your Body

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Teaching ourselves to appreciate our own bodies can be difficult. Living in a world that doesn’t exactly encourage a healthy relationship with our bodies can create many problems with self image. This inflicts everyone on some level. Yet, on the other hand, we have a huge resurgence of “body positivity” in Western Society. This can also lead to gross acceptance that can create even more damage or cycles that undermine our personal growth.

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

Where is the middle point?

Learning to balance our personal needs with the needs of our body is something I want to touch upon. The ability to become “friends” with the spirit of our body. Discovering the essence of our physical state and its personal needs as it cries out for attention feels hard but is often quite simple.

Putting a metaphorical ear to each want and each sensation can come from a place that we all know: Friendship. By learning to be good friends with ourselves, we start small and work our way through the pieces.

Become friends with our physical state

This is just as important as any other state of balancing we’re striving for in terms of growth. To understand what we’ve done to our bodies over the years and what we’ve neglected to do for our body in the present- and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know what you body is capable of either. We all have our own bodily needs and wants.

Re-connect and listen to what your body is telling you. Close your eyes and just pay attention.

Learning to communicate with our own physical form can teach us about the power we have and the weaknesses we have. It can increase expansion and allows for the freedom to move, be, and experience wellness daily– no matter what kind of state our body is in.

Start communicating with your body

How does one even start seeing their body as a part of themselves instead of something that gets in the way of their lives? How does one start to view their body as a friend instead of a foe? What kind of language does your body use to communicate with you? How can you learn to listen to it’s voice?

One of the first things to realize is that our body isn’t our foe. It’s not our enemy nor does it need to be neglected or controlled all the time. Crazy huh?

No self hate

By being at odds with ourselves and either hating or downing our body, we’re effectively undermining our personal growth in most areas. Confidence, self-esteem, depression, anger, sadness, guilt, and shame–these are just some of the feelings we embody when we do this. This can even lead to various cycles that keep us from experience the fullness of what our body can do for us–believe it or not our body wants us to thrive!

One of the first things to realize is that our body isn’t our foe. It’s not our enemy nor does it need to be neglected or controlled all the time.

But what happens when you talk down to a friend? What happens when you stop nurturing the friendship and you start picking it apart? What happens if you throw your friend aside and stop listening to the basic fundamental needs they have to stay connected to you?

Anger, silence and damage to the friendship is inevitable at that point.

Our body is here to help us navigate and experience life. The body might seem like a vessel to some, but the body is just as much of our experiences as the rest of our existence. Aligning our thoughts with what we feel about our body can encourage change and healthy attitudes and heal our image of the body. Which leads to better choices for our body through a realistic lens–not an overly positive one that can force you to fall back into a habit that destroys you.

Be real

Accept this friend that wants to converse with you and take in all it has to say. You might feel a lot of things too.

To become friends with the embodiment of our physical form creates awareness of neglect or loss of control. It can create a ripple effect into your daily life where you learn to respect yourself and the bodies of others too. It creates potential and the ability to see that potential in yourself, no matter what ails your body.

Learning to talk to the body is hard but with patience (I know, it can be very hard to cultivate patience) it can be learned. Stopping to take the time to listen to what our body says, even during small encounters, will reveal to us a lot more about our emotional and mental state. The senses are always willing to share information with us if we listen to it’s language. Start with the simple.

Think for a moment…

  • When you’re hurting, the body tells you it’s in pain.
  • When you’re hungry, the body tells you it needs food.
  • If something is cold, you put something warm on because your body told you it needed warmth.
  • When you’re tired, you feel it in your body.
  • If you’re sick, the body informs you. (Sometimes even ahead of time!)

These are just a few simple ways of the body communicating with us. With simple signals like this, it’s all too easy to ignore it’s voice with the distractions we have in our daily lives. It’s the more complex problems that we have become desensitized to because of distractions. The subtle nuances of communication and trust between our body and our mind have been damaged for centuries through disconnection with ourselves and our environment. The little pieces of our body that could easily be in tune with every part of us if we just listened more closely to our dearest friend.

The body has needs

Just like the mind, emotions, and our essence. Learning to pay attention and communicate organically through awareness will free us from the unhealthy relationship we might have with our body and put us on the path to balancing ourselves for expansion.

Once I stopped ignoring the big things my body was telling me, the closer I got to noticing the nuanced conversations of the subtle whispers.

One day I decided to make a conscious effort to make my body my best friend. Does that mean I always listen? No, but it definitely means that I’m paying attention. That’s where balancing and healing can come in. A door opens up to possibility and a new internal focus on relationship with ourselves. It’s a small step, but a very impacting one.

Follow along in my next article where I’ll explore the essence of our body and how it pertains to our environment and the subtle messages we can pick up on when we listen patiently to our physical being.

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