Search your soul

Note To Self: Compassion Is Free

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I believe that, as a doctor, I should always get a blanket for my patients who need one. Yes I know there are other people who can do this. I can ask a nurse or an orderly to do it, but I believe that I should do it. So several times a day, while working in our emergency department, I leave my patient’s bedside, get them a nice warm blanket and cover them up, before continuing on my day.

This action goes along with what I believe to be the three rules of emergency medicine (and perhaps medicine in general). I repeat these often to the residents and medical students I supervise in our busy urban emergency department.

I tell them: (1) we make people feel better; (2) we try to make sure nothing really bad is happening to them right now; and (3), we try to tell them what is causing their symptoms. I say that we can almost always achieve the first two rules but not always the third. No news is usually good news from an ER doctor. If I find a reason for, say, your abdominal pain it is rarely a good thing.

Which brings me back to why I believe I should offer to bring my patients a blanket. To me it is the first step in communicating to the person that my priority is his or her comfort, both physical and emotional. It is a simple act that acknowledges my desire to meet their basic needs as a patient. It may be an overused expression but I want to treat my patients the way I would want my family members taken care of. This behavior was also modeled for me when I was a patient.

Shortly after college I was involved in a serious accident while working in an ambulance as a volunteer. The short story is that I broke my femur, the large bone in my thigh, and my recovery required a total of four surgeries over a year or so. The surgeon who performed the last three operations (and to whom I credit my ability to now walk unaided) usually did his rounds late at night.

He was a brilliant and talented surgeon who reminded me in appearance of a chain-smoking Einstein. He would ask about my pain and my mental state, but what I remember most is his offering to bring me French fries the next time he visited. I felt that he cared about me and, more importantly, understood what I was going through. He connected with me, and I trusted and obeyed everything he told me to do.

Getting a blanket and placing it on my patient is, in the end, a check and balance for me. I have the power to order hundreds of tests and treatments. I strive to always be right (or at least never wrong). And on not so rare occasions, I help save a life. But in the end, if I have not made that connection with my patient, if I have not shown them I understand their needs, then I have failed them as a physician and as a person.

Authored by J. Narro

Note To Self: No ‘Plain’ Housewives

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I grew up in the Philippines where even the Philippine Information Agency describes one beneficiary as a “plain housewife” There is nothing “plain” about being a housewife. I should know…I’ve been one for 15 years.

In the Philippines, women and men have always shared the tasks of raising a family. That our languages don’t distinguish between males or females (asawa can mean husband or wife) is just one of the evidences of the more egalitarian society we have enjoyed long before the colonial encounter. In many societies, the mag-asawa shared in various responsibilities of the oft-inseparable domains of earning a living and tending the household.

The working woman is often seen as “sophisticated” – highly-educated and well-heeled – while the housewife is seen as “plain”.

But I disagree. Women who stay at home are also working, perhaps even more so than their husbands. I run a sari-sari store, participate in multi-level marketing, do handicrafts, and engage in many other sources of income. It is only our prejudice for formal employment that colors our view of other forms of hanapbuhay (livelihood), but they are no less important.

I have never felt unsophisticated being a housewife. Financially, emotionally, and socially, it takes courage to be a housewife. I have been lucky to have the luxury of staying at home, and I am not advocating for every mother to be a housewife. What I am against is the notion of a “plain housewife” because it shapes our way of thinking about women, and the way women think about themselves. Whatever choices women and men make – as couples or single parents – we should create an environment that supports these choices and family configurations.

I am a storyteller, teacher, cook, driver, guidance counsellor, and much more…and always a friend. Indeed, there are no plain housewives, just as there are no plain individuals: women and men alike. As we celebrate Mother’s Day, we must celebrate the women of our lives in all their uniqueness. Whether they decide to stay at home, or pursue careers that keep them from home, surely theirs is a labor of love, which deserve our utmost affection and appreciation.

Authored by Amihan Jericho

Note To Self: New Mother In A Crisis

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I look at him and think about just how lucky I am. But what about him? My son was born just a few short months ago and I can’t help but feel like he’s entered a world even foreign to me.

This year, my first Mother’s Day looks a little different than what I imagined. There were no flower deliveries, no brunch reservations to make and keep, there wasn’t even celebratory hugs from my own Mom to pass the torch. COVID-19 has changed how we interact and connect with others to the extent that a classic Mother’s Day looks unrecognizable. I am willing to sacrifice in any way so much so that he can have a better life than I did. But I will admit, I feel helpless.

I would love to hug my Mom on Mother’s Day, but what I really want to see is my mother hugging her new grandson on this day. I realize having my Mom visit at the beginning of his birth comforted me in more ways than one. Now, we are without her touch, her sneaking of salt in my boiling pots (I saw you Mom), or even her throaty laugh filling our room. In the last six weeks, my parents and in-laws haven’t held or kissed my son, instead have had to restrict themselves to virtual visits. With New York being an epicenter of the virus, we didn’t want to take any chances of visits.

This unexpected occurrence along with Mother’s Day brought its own challenges to me personally; emotionally and mentally. However, we humans are resilient creatures. People are taking a cue from what many Mothers do best: coming up with creative ways to salvage a crummy situations. We’re focusing on the things that we love, opening new lines of dialogue, and reminding others that there can be beauty in this time of crisis. We can get to know each other and even ourselves on a much deeper level.

Perhaps Mother Earth is reminding us all what means to take a step back, reflect, regroup, and be more than we have been.

When I look at my son today, I know that I will continue to be strong for him. I can’t sit, lost in a worrisome mindset. I won’t succumb to the paralyzation hoping to keep me (and you) from enjoying the love that we have in the here and now and I keep reminding myself every time I get scared to choose love.

Mother’s Day in a pandemic will be lonely for many. but I hope all Mothers know we have each other.

Note To Self: Quiet in The City

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If I am being completely honest, I know I should not be out this late. New York City is known as the city that never sleeps, and I truly believe it does not know how to.

I say this as I watch a splash of activity happen on numerous street corners at once. To my right there is a hooded man trying to hawk his wares to any passerby that dares cross his path. To my left, I watch as a couple huddle together in a broken down bus stop waiting patiently for their scheduled ride. When I turn my eyes straight ahead I can see other late night lurkers still watching their televisions, an argument appearing to move from one room to another in a nearby building, and even just sleepy faces looking as weary as I feel.

I wanted to live here. This place that has become a consciousness of its own. A messy, beautiful, puddle of what NYC really embodies.

‘The city that never sleeps…’

It also means it’s hard for me to get to sleep. I’ve been in New York for a few years now and I still haven’t quite shaken my need for muffled silence for sleep. I’m the kind of girl who if she had her way would sleep in a soundproof coffin-like device with a door. I covet my sleep. It revives me. It nourishes me for the next busy day. It’s the ultimate ‘me’ time.

The quietest place I’ve found is where I sit curled up now, in a beat up lawn chair — on my rooftop. After I’ve done my nightly routine of no electronics, meditation, skin regime, and reading, I still don’t feel quite ready to close my eyes. It’s well past midnight and I have work tomorrow but the Big Apple doesn’t care. I stumbled upon this city-escape, as I call it, after living in my building for two years and my slice of soulrenity.

Here just above the skyline, I can take all of my city in, all of its commotions, backfiring cabs, and shouts from the street and see it front and center. My Mother loves to ask me how the heck I get any sleep. The one and only time she visited she couldn’t get a night’s wink the whole week she was here. I know it’s not a city for everyone, heck, sometimes I still ask is it even for me when I’ve got my earplugs tucked away in my hands. It’s a question I like to toy with but I know now, this is my home. In all its vibrancy I just don’t wanna miss a thing.

But then I remember, the city never sleeps, it’ll be here in the morning…

Note to SELF: You’re Awake!

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It is 3:00 a.m.

You are suddenly awake and looking at the clock, again.

You have been here before and you have felt the tug at your heart and the questions flood your mind.

Why am I awake again? Why does this keep happening? Has reality become this skewed and why do I feel all of these emotions and energies flying at me? What does this all mean? Am I losing my mind? What are these conversations in my heart? Why the migraines? Is reality really this way?

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There’s something wrong with me, right? Everyone else thinks so, maybe it’s true? Have I truly gone off the deep end by seeing things others don’t see? The doctor says I’m fine, but I don’t feel fine. Am I the only one going through these feelings and pain?

We find ourselves stuck in the middle of a life that feels false, our hands reaching for connections that are deeper than anything we’ve ever known. Our spirit cries out for understanding and release from pain. Everything feels alive and vibrations are appearing in music, the wind, the waves, heartbeats, and people around you.

You try to hide away thinking that the solitude will cure the questions and strangeness of reality unfolding quickly. Only peace and quiet can help develop the patience of your changes, and boy, you really are changing.

Home no longer feels right and your true home is somewhere we’ve forgotten since we were children- no, since before we were born. Your life finally makes sense and each piece, each experience, is another page to your story and the connection to the present. All of the small things you ignored or counted off as coincidence suddenly become large signs. You wonder if it’s paranoia or something being whispered to you that others don’t hear.

The stars, sun, and clouds speak to us and our travels suddenly make sense. Every experience begins to make sense and the longing of our hearts will only be satisfied through a path less traveled. Time no longer has the same effect and old habits begin to fade away as they make us feel sick. The searching begins as small messages from the universe appear day-in and day-out, each message getting bigger until we see them everywhere. You feel alone but at the same time you know there has to be others out there like you. You feel the earth beneath your toes and the sky is a new shade of blue as you cross through the shadows of your mind. Emotions are felt on all levels and you can’t describe the love filling you.

The thoughts that take over for a person in conversations with the universe around them are many. Questions come and go and patterns play themselves out until we finally recognize what’s going on and how we might be repeating cycles that keep us clouded from the messages.

You’re seeking the signs of enlightenment and true authentic growth. The fusion of energy and connection to everything around you becomes overwhelming.

A heart awakening.

A gift.

11:11.

Anything mired in the realm of fake no longer satisfies you with your new eyes and heart. You’ve seen things that you’ll never be able to explain to others and you kind of don’t want to. Being awake and seeing the signs and synchronicities daily as they become a guide for your intuition as you grow.

Keep on fighting and growing. You are now in flow. The battle makes sense. Your life makes more sense than it ever did. You’ve found source.

For once you are truly connected. Let the universe speak, it has a lot to say once you wake up. Consciousness, balance, love, and energy.

Your soul-renity is here, in the truth that separation is but an illusion.

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