Search your soul

5 Ways To Self Motivate

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For many of us, we don’t have to keep on eye on motivating ourselves to reach the goals we want. However, as time ticks on and we sit at home; working, living, and just being it can be hard to feel motivated to do much else.

With life taking every twist and turn reminiscent of a box office hit film, you may ask yourself, ‘how can I keep doing this?’ Self-motivation may come in waves, in turn, inevitably you may feel less productive, but you don’t have to drown. Here are five ways you can remind yourself of who’s the boss. I’ll help you find the motivation you need to tackle the most mundane to what seems overwhelming.

1. Identify the block within

Lack of motivation can be identified externally, but internally is where the answers lie. Self-talk is one of many factors on what could be zapping your will to ‘do’. Science shows us that motivation causes intense emotional responses such as short breaths, tightened muscles, and racing hearts. This is very similar to what you feel when you’re excited. When you feel motivated to do something, there’s a level of excitement that is stirring within, pushing you forward.

Tune into your self-awareness to figure out what exactly motivates you personally. For some it’s money, recognition, thrill, a sense of accomplishment, or even competition. Has the thing you need to do lost excitement? Has your mindset on the outcome changed? Did someone say something that had you second guessing yourself? Once you can pinpoint what motivates you, that power can be harnessed to fuel your internal motivation motor.

2. Plan big, step small

I’m sure you’ve heard this a hundred times. Whatever you need to be self-motivated for, make a plan for the end result but don’t forget the small steps along the way. It’s very easy to hyper-focus on the goal while forgetting the successes it will take on the way there.

Take an example of a woman who goes to work day in and day out to help pay her bills and save for continuing education. To enroll she must have $3,000. She started with zero and now has $1700 saved. She may find herself demotivated because she isn’t enrolled in classes yet, the jobs she wants are being filled, and she feels she is getting too old for school. In turn she is cutting back on her hours because she thinks ‘what’s the point?’. A better way for her to view this is to appreciate the smaller steps is to relish that she is more than halfway to her larger goal. Maybe realizing she is halfway to her goal will help her re-plan the last half of her savings so it doesn’t take the same amount of time.

Setting micro-goals along the way to larger goals is certain to keep you on track and feeling fulfilled. Not only should you plan realistic goals but don’t forget all the effort it takes to make it there and reward yourself when you hit those milestones.

3. Motivation by proxy

A simple trick I have found when I’m lacking self motivation is to find others who motivate me. Looking for career change? Find a teacher for a hobby or class that will sharpen skills needed for that career. Need to lose weight? Read some books about others who have successfully traveled a similar journey. Fighting wellness on your own? There are endless books, movies, TED Talks, music, and more written and created by people who are just like you.

Witnessing others around us reach their goals and overcome adversity triggers something within. This is when you start to question your own motivations and use their success as inspiration. Success isn’t contagious but that doesn’t mean with you can’t feed off it. Look at the people you surround yourself with? Are they accomplishing their goals? If not, they could holding you back.

Spend time and absorb all that ambitious, driven, and successful people have to offer. Before long you will be in a similar boat. Don’t be afraid to incorporate traits, tricks, and mentalities that have worked for others.

4. Hold yourself accountable

Personally, when I know I have a large goal ahead of me, I do everything I can to be sure that I will be accountable for it. This can look like sharing my lofty goal with friends and family, joining a new group or club relating to that goal, enlisting a trusted person to check-in on my progress, or even using apps to steer clear of getting complacent.

As a means of staying committed once you have a goal in mind, tie it to a way to be accountable. We are great at holding others accountable but lack that same conviction when it comes to ourselves. Regularly review what you are doing and why you are doing it. When you feel yourself backsliding on a goal look for support but be honest with yourself. Are you spending too much time on social media? Do you still want your goal? Will you continue to work hard for it, even when it seems like it’s out of reach? Take responsibility for your actions.

Some of the most successful people in history will tout holding themselves accountable as a key component to their success. If you are struggling sit down and figure out why before giving up all together. The great thing about creating a plan for yourself, is that you can re-work it as needed. No great success was ever achieved without great challenge so don’t give up.

3. See it in your mind’s eye

Using imagery to visualize your goal is a big boon according to experts. If the recent uptick in ‘vision board’ searches is any indication, visualizing your accomplishment is part of the process. Your brain and nervous system actually can’t tell the difference between a real experience and one that is very vividly imagined.  Visualizing goals is a free mind hack that effectively helps you on your way to success by saying ‘I got this.’

I love using creative visualization as a way to picture how the outcome of certain goals I have look like to me. This helps flip the switch to the creative subconscious part of the mind while positively influencing your thoughts about a goal. Have you ever thought you were going to have a bad day and then you did have a bad day? This is the same concept, once you make your mind up that something ‘will’ be a certain way, you may find yourself subconsciously creating that reality.

Visualizing a goal increases motivation and inspiration to consciously act – because you want to achieve what your subconscious has “seen”. When you vividly trick your mind into believing what it’s seeing, you begin to work on shifting your self image, aligning your values, actions, and behaviors all toward your goal. Check out this video by Ashanti Johnson explaining the power of visualization.

Now that you have some new techniques to try out, remember all goals require a level of genuine interest, reward versus risk, breaking mental barriers, emotional fortitude, and old fashioned elbow grease. Don’t make the mistake of dwelling on past pitfalls. The power to reach your goal is within you and while you can’t change yesterday, you can change today!

Stoned N’ Social – Chat With Craig Lewis

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Join Natali in this week’s podcast as she chats with Craig Lewis of ‘The Craig Lewis Guide to Surviving the Impossible‘. This gentleman has done more than surviving the impossible and his story is meant as an inspiration to all who feel they are losing hope.

Stoned N’ Social with Craig Lewis

Craig Lewis chooses to be happy.

He has been healing from a traumatic brain injury caused by pharmaceutical medications, was disowned by his family for speaking about childhood abuse and he was disinherited by his working community in the United States after he reported sexual and ethical violations. He was homeless and managed to make his way to Mexico where he arrived, unable to speak the language with only the clothes on his back. All the while, he has published two books (one of which is currently available in 10 languages) and has three new books including a coping skills workbook.

Writer, Healer, Survivor, Craig Lewis

Connect with Craig online…

Email: punx.in.recovery@gmail.com

Etsy: SaintyIsAFullTimeJob

Read more about Craig: IdiotEQ

We support the use of cannabis for mental expansion and inner growth, also as way to broach a variety of topics and only condone its usage in a legal capacity according to your local governing laws.

Every Wednesday @ 12:00 am ET via iTunes

Stoned N’ Social – COVID-19 Dreams + Seaweed

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Join Natali and Sophia in this week’s podcast as we discuss the growing phenomenon of vivid dreams during stressful times and tips to selfless slumber. Plus a question about paranoia and cannabis is answered. If you like tangents, plus thoughtful ramblings, the coveted title of ‘Munchie of The Week’ (MoTW) and of course, a lot of laughs, then listen here.

Listen here for the latest Stoned N’ Social episode!

Show Sophia’s podcast Queer Yet Smiling some love!

Send us your questions, comments, memes, and munchie recommendations via Instagram or old school email us at stonednsocial@gmail.com

We support the use of cannabis for mental expansion and inner growth, also as way to broach a variety of topics and only condone its usage in a legal capacity according to your local governing laws.

Every Wednesday @ 12:00 am ET via iTunes

Dream On, Dreamer

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Dream big.

We’ve all probably heard those two words at some point in our life. But what does it really mean? And why now? Well, dreaming big means having the restraints that often shackle your mental fortitude and freedom removed. It’s about sitting and reflecting on what you really want out of life and dispelling all the reasons why you can’t have it. For me, this has meant having exceptionally high standards for my life and for myself. And I feel like now is the perfect time for you to do the same.

Dreaming is fun

There’s no two ways about it, dreaming big is exciting and a good way to reach within to find unconventional purpose. When we are excited about something, it becomes our focus. When we focus on something, especially a goal, we have a greater chance of accomplishing it. This doesn’t only apply to the professional aspects of our lives but personal ones as well. Even though dreaming big is fun, that doesn’t mean you should take it any less serious.

There’s a reason we tell students and children to dream big, it’s a subtle nudge toward successful thinking. Have you ever taken a vacation you had been planning for quite some time? One where you worked very hard to earn and save money needed for expenses? I bet while you were booking the necessary transportation and accommodations, a wave of excitement hit you. And when you finally started packing for said trip, another wave hit you, and another when you started your journey there. I would even go as far as to say, you were swimming in waves of excitement until you arrived.

Anticipation of pleasure is a pleasure in itself.

Sylvia Townsend Warner

The desire (anticipation) is our ability to imagine something as if it is already happening. We feel as if we are experiencing it just a little, when in fact, nothing tangible is happening. Yet everything is happening in the background when we put the wheels of dreaming in motion.

Thoughts become things…sort of

If you dare to dream in life, you are what is a considered a dreamer. Dreamers are a unique type of people. We envision things so deeply that we almost believe it’s there. What we think, we become. Throughout history it has been shown that when notable things happens, the person who was behind it attest to dreaming “big” or deeply about it. The dream always precedes the reality.

I believe the feelings we use to give substance to the thoughts in our mind either comes from fear or love. Thoughts that are given substance with love will become things we experience as worthwhile and enjoyable. This for me, is how I apply the Law of Attraction to my own day-to-day life. I won’t say I’ve gotten everything I’ve dreamed of but I’ve certainly felt fulfilled in living the life I have always wanted.

When you want to go to the gym for exercise, think about the process that happens within you before you actually make it to the gym. You usually experience an internal dialogue with yourself. It bounces between why you should go to the gym and on the other end envisioning the benefits of going to the gym.

This all happens in your minds eye, making you more likely to take that dream and make it a reality. This is an example of dreaming on a small scale, think about what could happen if you really dreamed big? Thoughts become things, but things need action.

Overcome limiting concepts

As I’ve stated, dreams nudge you to make moves beyond your current reality. By identifying a dream and putting it in your mental forefront you challenge your old beliefs and thus start creating new ones. Former impediments in the road now look like speed bumps. When we are pushing forward and chasing our dreams we can forgive our past failures and give new hope to ourselves.

When we are actively pursuing a dream, there’s a level of self awareness that is needed to be honest with ourselves. We begin to notice bad habits, patterns, and old ways of thinking that have held us back. It’s here we can take notice of the things we think, say, and do because our dreams are now deeply important to us. Our basic daily lives now chart a mental overall trajectory in life.

Dreaming big will open doors big and small. There’s a reason you picked this dream, perhaps it is your true calling. Even still, maybe you don’t know what your true calling is yet, and you won’t get that answer without dreaming big first. It’s up to you to do things differently that have prevented it from becoming a reality before this moment. Big dreams give you the opportunity to truly leave your mark on the world in some way.

Achievements unlocked

Little by little, your small achievements on the way to dreaming big will start to add up. When we first start dreaming big, things can feel overwhelming and impossible. The question, “How am I going to do this?” swirls around in our mind a lot.

However, no big dream ever gets from A to Z without a series of other steps along the way. It’s these small victories and achievements one after the other that add up over time. Eventually, those achievements start to become motivation to keep going. This is what I call ‘success momentum’. When we observe successful individuals carefully, we notice that they are usually full of energy and driven by momentum, which is a key factor to their success. Momentum is a undeniably powerful force that can really put you ahead and lead you to your big dream. It creates a domino effect and things seem to happen almost effortlessly and with quick growth.

If you want to thrive, you need to create the success momentum and once you do, you will start to see changes in your life. Thoughts become things, things need action, action creates momentum, and momentum creates results. Work consistently and put the odds in your favor.

We are in a (hopefully) once in a lifetime situation. If you’re like me, all goals unrelated to this pandemic and keeping myself and my family afloat seems pointless and distracting. But really, this is the best time to dream big. Dreaming in this way, right now, actually allows us to remove some pressure on ourselves.

Now is when you have the time to sit with your thoughts and dig deep into what may be missing from your life and how you’d get there from here. For many living in a pandemic itself feels like a dream. Let your mind go one step further and immerse yourself into dreaming about other situations. We will eventually emerge from this together, do not succumb to fear. Instead, shift your focus to work toward a goal, learn a new skill or hobby, or pick up something you used to enjoy.

We all know that big dreams don’t come easy, but they won’t come at all if you don’t try.

Note To Self: Quiet in The City

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If I am being completely honest, I know I should not be out this late. New York City is known as the city that never sleeps, and I truly believe it does not know how to.

I say this as I watch a splash of activity happen on numerous street corners at once. To my right there is a hooded man trying to hawk his wares to any passerby that dares cross his path. To my left, I watch as a couple huddle together in a broken down bus stop waiting patiently for their scheduled ride. When I turn my eyes straight ahead I can see other late night lurkers still watching their televisions, an argument appearing to move from one room to another in a nearby building, and even just sleepy faces looking as weary as I feel.

I wanted to live here. This place that has become a consciousness of its own. A messy, beautiful, puddle of what NYC really embodies.

‘The city that never sleeps…’

It also means it’s hard for me to get to sleep. I’ve been in New York for a few years now and I still haven’t quite shaken my need for muffled silence for sleep. I’m the kind of girl who if she had her way would sleep in a soundproof coffin-like device with a door. I covet my sleep. It revives me. It nourishes me for the next busy day. It’s the ultimate ‘me’ time.

The quietest place I’ve found is where I sit curled up now, in a beat up lawn chair — on my rooftop. After I’ve done my nightly routine of no electronics, meditation, skin regime, and reading, I still don’t feel quite ready to close my eyes. It’s well past midnight and I have work tomorrow but the Big Apple doesn’t care. I stumbled upon this city-escape, as I call it, after living in my building for two years and my slice of soulrenity.

Here just above the skyline, I can take all of my city in, all of its commotions, backfiring cabs, and shouts from the street and see it front and center. My Mother loves to ask me how the heck I get any sleep. The one and only time she visited she couldn’t get a night’s wink the whole week she was here. I know it’s not a city for everyone, heck, sometimes I still ask is it even for me when I’ve got my earplugs tucked away in my hands. It’s a question I like to toy with but I know now, this is my home. In all its vibrancy I just don’t wanna miss a thing.

But then I remember, the city never sleeps, it’ll be here in the morning…

The Gift of Hope

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When it comes to the season of giving nothing compares to the gratitude of having comforts in our lives. But what about those people that are less fortunate?

This holiday season I’m reminded of a story about a certain train station in England that decided it would play music over the speakers during the holidays to deter homeless people from sleeping on the benches due to the cold season. Not filled with much holiday cheer, is it?

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

What was the reason for this? In my opinion, the station and police made an assumption that others didn’t want to feel uncomfortable during the holiday season. If the homeless people were out of sight, then they would be out of mind, right? 

Sadly, moments like these do exist. These people were just hoping to have a place to sleep for the night and a council decided to take that away from them. Just for the comfort of others? These kinds of choices cause numbing for humanity on the whole.

The undeniable fact is that humans can give hope but can also take it away, just like that. But we can always learn from said stories above and fill up the cracks where hope has been expended.

A gift of hope eventually presented itself and counteracted this story. A few years later in 2017 another train station in England threw a party for the homeless.

This acts as a reminder that the most beautiful thing we can be giving this year is the simple gift of hope for another. This year I will be contemplating what this looks like for me. What does this look like for you?

Here’s a small list of some ways to provide hope for others this season

  1. Giving your time by volunteering
  2. Creating a handmade gift from the heart
  3. Donating to the less fortunate
  4. Shoveling snow for another person
  5. Celebrating family and friends achievements

The holiday season represents many different things for different people. For some the holidays are rough, especially for those that have been displaced. At the risk of sounding very cliche, I feel very fortunate to have a roof over my head, warmth, and food in my belly.

At the risk of sounding very cliche, I feel very fortunate to have a roof over my head, warmth, and food in my belly.

We live in a fast paced, get what you want and get it now society. This year I’ll be taking the time out to celebrate those around me with gifts of appreciation and giving of myself. Gratitude and enrichment are on my Christmas list this year!

What’s on your list this year?

I’d like to take the time in this blog to push out some waves of appreciation for those that have helped the less fortunate during this time of year. Having compassion for people we don’t know is a big creation of hope for humanity on the whole. (Which is something our world needs more of if you ask me.)

Happy holidays and I hope everyone finds their soul-renity in between a glass of eggnog or two.

MySpotlight – Kamora Jones

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It seemed like divine timing when MySoulrenity reached out to artist Kamora Jones to get a deeper look into her representation of our inner awareness. One look at her style and you may find yourself feeling a bit of an awakening within. Listen to the complete interview with her below.

Let’s chat with Kamora Jones!

Kamora Jones (a.k.a. ARTSOLDIER77) is a Las Vegas, Nevada resident and native who has been creating art since the age of 3.

In 2017, Kamora and her wife had two major metaphysical experiences which further led her to begin studying concepts in reincarnation and consciousness. She was always being exposed to concepts in higher consciousness through lucid/transcendent dreaming and astral projection, from a very young age. After having the experiences in 2017, she was able to open up to the energy that brought her to where she is today.

Graphic Designer + Conscious Artist, Kamora Jones

She prefers sketching her concepts with graphite on paper, or digitally where they are digitized, edited, colored, and manipulated to create the final pieces. And Kamora has always been inspired by metaphysical, new age/spiritual art, psychedelic visual artists, and many other classical and modern visual storytellers working in various mediums.

Kamora’s artwork – “AKASHICI“

After looking at her pieces like the one above, it’s not hard to see why she describes herself as a ‘visual artist exploring consciousness and the infinite stories of the cosmos.’ Keep exploring Kamora! We love what you’re doing.

Connect + View Kamora online…

Instagram: @artsoldier77

Website: artsoldier77.com

Purchase prints in Kamora’s art store: Society6.com/artsoldier77

Self Soothing The Senses

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Self-soothing is one of the most effective tools we have to get through the most painful and scary moments in life. While these techniques do not solve any problems for us, they do help us manage the fear and anxiety that prevent us from taking action. Self-soothing is also crucial for a variety of mental health reasons.

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

We all struggle with anxiety from time to time. Even though it’s uncomfortable, it’s a natural and sometimes useful sensation. It helps us feel when something is wrong or dangerous long before we figure it out logically. If all is well with our natural anxiety response, the bad feeling shouldn’t stick around. Anxiety is supposed to subside soon after we remove ourselves from the sketchy situation or solve the problem.

For most people, anxiety and panic attacks are rare occurrences which are stressful, but not major life problems. Unfortunately though, for many of us that’s not the case. Nearly 1 out of every 5 Americans struggle with chronic, heightened anxiety that doesn’t go away even when the danger has passed.

What can you do?

Soothe your senses

If you’re having a hard time dealing with recurrent anxiety and overwhelming emotions, let me share how to literally ‘calm your nerves (and senses!)’ whenever possible. Whenever you ever find yourself feeling out-of-control, start out by taking a deep breath. After that, you can gather your thoughts and arm yourself with a self soothing tactic below and move past the anxiety to get back to normal. Here are some examples of how to self-soothe through each of the senses…

Oh what do I see?

For anxiety that follows us home and just won’t let up, this is the tool we need. Walking through nature is deeply relaxing and quickly alleviates an anxious mood. Go to a pretty spot in nature or a local park. Look at photos of beautiful artwork or go to a museum to see them in person. Buy or pick some flowers and put them where you will see them often in your home or office. Watch a video of your favorite nature scenery.

So, if you’re feeling stuck in an anxious, tense mood, put your walking shoes on and get outside and watch your worries float away.

Feelin’ pretty fine

Sometimes, we just need to do something to release all of that anxious energy. Working on something with our hands is self-soothing because it is an excellent distraction from our racing thoughts. Repetitive, easy tasks can help distract us from the issue and stop the negative thought cycle.

Hand distractions are a great self-soothing tool for anyone feeling anxious. Learn to knit, play an instrument, or draw. If you want to add tactile sensations on an extra level consider these: take a warm bath or shower, wear soft, comfortable clothes, cuddle a furry friend, snuggle in a soft blanket, use a heated pad, or even just go outside and feel the breeze on your skin. Color in a coloring book. I have a mandala coloring book that I ‘zen out’ with that helps keep my hands busy.

Make a sound

Research shows that humming can improve airflow between the sinuses and the nasal cavity. This, in turn, gives you greater access to breathing. As stated above when you can breathe deeply you feel more relaxed. Humming creates turbulence in the air, which pushes it out more forcefully than quiet breathing. Humming also plays a role in certain meditation practices. Many yoga practitioners use a breathwork technique called “the bee.” It’s exactly what you’d expect. Lots of controlled breaths through sealed lips. On each exhale, the person makes a humming sound similar to a bee buzzing. This technique is often recommended for calming the mind and relieving stress.

Next time you get stressed, try humming your favorite song for 20 seconds. See if you feel better. In fact, there’s no better way to calm your mind and boost your spirits than by humming a happy tune. If that fails try to listen to calming music such or sounds such as the ocean or other nature sounds. Listen to a cat purr. Stamp your feet. Beat rhythmically on a “drum” if you have the right tools.

Whatever the obstacle is, you should try your best to overcome it.

Is that soulrenity I smell?

Inhaling certain scented oil molecules is said to transmit messages to a brain region involved in controlling emotions. Known as the limbic system, this brain region also influences the nervous system.

Aromatherapy proponents suggest that essential oils may affect a number of biological factors, including heart rate, stress levels, blood pressure, breathing, and immune function. Some of these scents are often touted as a natural remedy for stress, anxiety, depression, fatigue, menstrual cramps and menopausal symptoms. Some even supposedly act as an aphrodisiac.

When you do feel anxiety creeping in, consider getting a whiff of something soothing and fragrant like an essential oil or scented candle. Try a calming scent like lavender, orange, jasmine, or vanilla. Sniff a cologne or perfume your enjoy. Cook a fragrant meal or bake something yummy.

If there’s a particular smell that puts you in a happy place, find it to harness its positive vibes.

That taste delightful!

We’ve all probably heard the science stating eating dark chocolate can help reduce levels of cortisol and catecholamines (hormones associated with stress), especially for those with high anxiety. Remember, go easy. Chocolate is calorically dense-eating too much can pack on the pounds and that can lead to more stress.

Something as simple as enjoying some seasonal fruit for the texture can be a chocolate alternative. Chewing gum or sucking boiled sweets. Sip herbal tea, such as chamomile. Drink hot cocoa. Suck on a lollipop or mint. Savor a piece of chocolate. Enjoy a delicious meal.

There’s so very much we love to taste. Find what satisfies you.

When do you use these skills?

Use these skills anytime you like! When you self-soothe you treat yourself with compassion, kindness, and care – similar to the way a good parent treats an upset child. Self-soothing has been shown to build resilience by making it easier to bounce back from difficult times. Times when we may experience stress from a major life event, like losing a job or relationship, or when we have painful or overwhelming emotions are all common.

Don’t worry about feeling awkward, guilty, or ashamed doing self-soothing activities (I know I did at first). We have been conditioned to believe some of the things that can help us the most are childish in practice. Which can’t be true because taking charge of our mental health and deliberately confronting our emotions is a very mature thing to do.

If you want to benefit from self-soothing, it’s important to challenge and overcome any beliefs that prevent you from practicing it.

Be open and experiment with all the senses. Try self-soothing through different senses and a variety of activities. Remain aware of the present moment and the effect the sensations are having on you. If you’d like you can try to create entire “self-soothing experiences” that use several senses at once. For example, take a scented bubble bath with lit candles, sip a drink while using a face mask and listening to soft music, or go for a relaxing brisk walk in cool breeze.

Don’t be emotionally “hijacked,” (lose control of parts of your brain that control rational thinking have shut down and you aren’t able to think straight) when you are behind the wheel of wellness.

Self-soothing is a powerful tool for tolerating distress. If you’re looking for ways to get through difficulties without resorting to behaviors that will cause more trouble, it’s a valuable skill to master – so make yourself a cup of tea, put on some soothing sounds, light a candle or two, and try it out. You might be surprised by what soothes you.

You Suck!: Energy Vampires

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We are all a bit more alike than we care to admit. We all want the adventure, excitement, and fun that accompanies the best relationships. How do you do that if your romance is draining you instead of filling you up energetically?

Have you felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and negatively impacted by thoughts of someone, in this case a partner, most of the day?

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

It could be possible you’ve picked an emotional vampire as a mate or friend. Some people we know such as friends, family, and colleagues will make us feel elevated and positive whenever we’re in their presence. But there’s others who will suck the serenity, optimism and zest right from you and you might be none the wiser.

Energy vampires do more than take your physical energy. The persistent ones can make you feel unlovable, unworthy, and full of self doubt — reinforcing the false notion that you don’t deserve anything better.
If you’re not careful there are subtle slights that can be attempts at cracking your core and getting to your precious energy.

Have they mentioned your moods passively? “You’re always so sensitive!” Do they attempt to make you feel bad about yourself? “Oh I see you’re putting on a few pounds.” Are they jealous of any positive growth you exhibit? “So, you’ve got a new hobby? Wonder how long that’ll last.”

These individuals always take more from relationships than they ever give. Your time spent with them is usually focused on one of the many “crisis” they regularly have going on. If you examine their lives closely, nothing makes them happy. So in turn, they want to take your happiness. Which never works, because it’s not a genuine joy produced within themselves, so it actually makes you unhappy in the process.

Subtle signs

You’ll notice most conversations revolve around themselves and their feelings. And you listen, because you know how moody they get if you say the wrong thing, or make the wrong joke. And if you try to point any of this out?

You might as well get out.

They don’t want to closely examine and acknowledge their own character flaws, they want to remind you of yours. And don’t worry, they’ll be keeping a mental list. When you do manage to step up and say something, you are somehow guilt-tripped into taking the blame for their emotional or mental state.

Do you find yourself experiencing the following:

  • Excessive sleepiness or desire to nap
  • Increased or new anxiety, depression, or negative thoughts
  • Gloomy and frequent moods, during or after interacting with them
  • Feelings of being put down, sniped, or slimed

All of these are signs someone is draining your energy and stopping you from setting healthy boundaries. Energy vampires need to be invited in, and we do this often without realizing it. See if you’ve encountered any of the following energy vampires.

1. The Victim/Martyr

These energy suckers induate you with your “woe is me” vibe. When you scratch beneath the surface you’ll notice they do not actually take responsibility for their own actions. It’s them versus the world and that becomes their fuel for their unhappiness. Want to offer them a solution to their problems? “Yes, but…” is a common rebuttal you will hear thrown back.

Protect yourself: Boundaries are necessary here. Take the time to listen to them and simply say, “I care about you and I want to help but I can only discuss this for more than a few minutes unless you want to discuss solutions.” It isn’t harsh, it’s taking care of yourself. If you’re not good at speaking up, use your body language (breaking eye contact, crossing your arms, removing yourself if necessary, etc). This is how to set healthy limits.

2. The Controller

You know this one: the people who obsessively try to control you and tell you what you’re supposed to feel and how you’re supposed to be. They have an opinion about everything. They will attempt to take control by invalidating your emotions if they don’t like them and say things like “You know what you should do?” and promptly give you their list. You can’t help but feel dominated, degraded, and demoralized.

Protect yourself: Reaffirm your assertiveness in a healthy way and say, “I value your advice, but I think I should work on this on my own.” Stand up for yourself. Don’t play the victim and don’t sweat it if they get a little defensive. They aren’t used to having someone being as honest as you are. The more you exert your honest self, the more they will back off on their expectations to control and drain you of your power.

3. The Narcissist

Enter the person who has an over inflated ego. It’s usually coupled with a grandiose sense of entitlement and over-the-top self importance. The name of their game is “Me first.” This is the most dangerous of energy vampires because they truly can’t put themselves in yours, or anyone’s shoes. And they show a true under capacity for genuine love and emotions. Don’t do things their way and they will turn on the coldness to you by withholding emotional or physical affection or even punishing you in other ways.

Protect yourself: You’re dealing with a person who is emotionally stunted. You have to be honest and adjust expectations. Don’t expect selflessness and no-strings attached love with someone like this. As always, remember your self-worth is not dependent on them, it lies within you. If you want to get through to them you must show them how something will be to their benefit. However, it’s better not to have to uphold this level of nauseating ego stroking but if this interaction is necessary try and use the tips above.

Protego Horribilis (Protection)

The above Harry Potter spell says it all. The takeaway from this should be that you can fix this by addressing it head on.

If you continue to let others cross, ignore, or even be unaware of your boundaries, you’re doing yourself a disservice. No one can protect your energy but you. If you are in a cycle of being drained, you cannot provide the best version of yourself because you lack the energy to do so. If you’re emotionally tapped out this could resurface in other detrimental ways down the line.

You always have the power to sever any relationship or dynamic that is no longer serving your highest purpose. You will be helping yourself and the other person by enacting boundaries and in turn, they can learn what a healthy relationship or friendship looks like.

Start small

Take it one step at a time by setting a boundary tomorrow with someone who you know internally, drains you, and then the next day set another one, and so on. Time will show that when your clear and distinct emotional lines are drawn in the sand, you’ll be more clearly able to see whose footprints are crossing them.

Live the life you want, free from guilt and burden put on you by others.

The Simple Nighttime Routine

By //  by 

You are getting very sleepy…okay maybe not and you need a little help getting to that place we call ‘Dreamland’. I can’t remember a time I fell asleep without a routine but it wasn’t always this way for me. A good night’s sleep can be hard to come by but creating a consistent, easy-to-maintain evening routine can help get one ‘Z‘ closer to a full night of Zzzs.

Wanna rest your eyes? Listen to this via the MySoulrenity + Beyond podcast!

Is this really important?

Absolutely! My boyfriend used to make fun of me when I started my slumber routine each night (even when at his place) but over time he has adopted one himself. I say with confidence that nighttime routines can benefit everyone.

Healthy sleep habits can make a big difference in the quality of life.

The National Sleep Foundation

Most of us can benefit from improving at least one aspect of our sleep habit. If you’re waking up unrested each morning, wake up frequently during the night, feel tired during the day, or have trouble falling asleep at night, there’s a very good chance that you have bad sleep hygiene that’s messing with your sleep.

Sleep hygiene

We have lots of ways we stay healthy in our daily lives but we often forget our sleep hygiene. If you wash your hands when they’re dirty, consume medicine when you’re sick, then you definitely owe yourself the same level of sleep hygiene. It is this nighttime routine that will help your mind and body recognize that it’s bedtime.

Bedtime rituals and nightly habits are collectively, these behaviors are known as sleep hygiene. Whether you practice good or bad sleep hygiene is up to you. But if you want to get a better night’s sleep, the answer often begins with improving your sleep hygiene.

1. Get your bed/room ready

This sounds like a simple one but sometimes we underestimate this step. Prepare your pillows in an arrangement you prefer. Put fresh sheets on the bed or spray some lavender scented oil to start the association process in your brain. Lavender is said to promote calmness and relaxation and soon, when you smell it, your mind will start associating it with winding down.

Most people don’t give much thought to the aesthetics of their snoozing space, but you’d be surprised how big of a difference it makes. Research shows that things like fresh sheets can easily make your slumbering experience better, and 71% of people surveyed said they sleep better when their sheets are clean. More importantly keep it dark, the darkness convinces your brain that it’s still night time.

2. Journal (even if only mentally)

If you’re like me, stress hits me right before bedtime! Your brain immediately starts zeroing in and mentally cataloging everything you have to do the next day—even though there’s nothing you can do about it in the moment.

Take a few minutes to pick out an outfit, plan what you want for breakfast, prepare your work bag, and loosely plan out your day. If you have to write a short to-do list of the things you need to accomplish before you head to the office. Don’t let more mindless TV zap your need to take a mental (or physical) account of your next day’s actions. Studies have shown that journaling reduces stress and helps boost your EQ. And don’t forget to write or think about a couple of things you did well that day and what a couple of things are that you can improve upon tomorrow.

3. Read

Research shows that just six minutes of reading per day can reduce stress levels by 68%. It’s nice to unplug and read a good old fashioned paper book (or at least put on ‘Airplane mode’ while you do so it’s uninterrupted) and slip into a new state of mind. And if you have to read on a tablet, try to use one that doesn’t have blue light (which keeps you awake).

Did you know reading helps put your consciousness on another plane, which will induce sleep? Think about how children adore stories before bedtime…this helps them to get a great night’s sleep. What a pity it is that so many of us lose this habit as adults.

Other things to keep in mind

Among above, you can also

  • Get your bedroom to the perfect temperature (the cooler the better).
  • Make sure you have it quiet, or turn on your white noise machine if you need something playing over your thoughts.
  • Have a snack. Some people sleep better if they have a small snack before bed, but you want to avoid large meals late at night. 
  • Limit other substances, too. Caffeine and alcohol both disrupt sleep. While alcohol may make you drowsy and induce sleep initially, it disrupts your sleep in the latter part of the night – preventing you from getting essential amounts of REM and deep sleep.

The right way to sleep is different for different people, and it may change for you over time. Keep doing them every night, but feel free to change them whenever needed.

This may seem like a lot to prepare for but it only takes about 20 minutes from start to slumber. By taking 20 minutes per evening to unwind, you’ll be setting yourself up for success every day.

Co-authored by Natali

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